The New and Improved Marriage
August 18, 2008
The New and Improved Marriage?
By Ms. Kris - The Integration of T & A
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Good morning. Today we will revisit an interview Will Smith gave to UK tabloid Now magazine back in early July 2008 where he discusses his open marriage to wife Jada Pinkett-Smith. According to the tabloid, Will Smith had this to say regarding being upfront and honest about his get down rather than creeping and lying about it:
“Will Smith reckons it’s healthy to fancy other people when you’re married and has no qualms telling his wife when he does.
The actor – who tied the knot with Jada Pinkett Smith 11 years ago – is determined to be honest about how he feels.
‘Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural and you’re going to be attracted to people,’ Will explains.
‘So sometimes we have the discussion: “Wow, this or that girl is freaking gorgeous”. I’m not going to say anything to my buddies that’s any different than what I say to my wife.’
And Will, 39, reckons he’ll tell Jada - and she’ll tell him - if they ever find they can’t resist their desire.
‘If it came down to it, then one would say to the other: “Look, I need to have sex with somebody. Now I’m not going to do it if you don’t approve of it,”’ he says.
‘In our marriage vows, we didn’t say “forsaking all others”. We said, “You will never hear I did something afterwards”. Because if that happens, the relationship is destroyed.’
But Will’s not sure what he’d do if one day Jada, 38, confides that she does want to take a lover.
‘I don’t know how I’d feel,’ he confesses. ‘But I know I would react better than if I found out about it afterwards.’”
I respect the fact that he and his wife sat down prior to marrying, it seems, and had a serious discussion about what they would need in order to be married forever. I actually like that. No, not the specific terms of their marriage, but the fact that two people looked at the state of marriage and divorce in this country and injected some much needed realness and honesty into the equation. Marriage is a beautiful concept, but expecting every person on the planet to comply with the exact same rules is just unrealistic. I think more people should stop kidding themselves by trying to have this fairytale situation they know is not really them, and be real about their life. I’m not suggesting that marriage should now involve being intimate with other people specifically, just that people need to be real with themselves and their mate and have the balls to say, “Hey, you know what, this is how I get down” and feel accepted. If you are marrying someone who does not know the real you, you are not making sense. Think about it, you pay all this money for a wedding, get in there and swear up and down the church walls in front of God and everybody and his brother that you are going to do something forever that you know damn well you will not. Hell, what exactly are “irreconcilable differences” anyway?
While every relationship is unique, I’m wondering what it will take to make the whole concept of marriage more doable and lasting. I mean, is this the New and Improved Marriage? I wonder if it will ultimately come down to this given the fact that many marriages fail due to infidelity, or more specifically, creeping and lying. I need to hear from my people on this one. Would marriage work better if couples defined their own terms and perhaps excluded the whole “forsaking all others” clause? Thoughts?
Link to the article:
http://www.nowmagazine.co.uk/celebrity-news/265795/will-smith-i-ll-tell-my-wife-if-i-need-to-have-sex-with-someone-else/1/
Who is Really the Hoe?
August 16, 2008
Who is Really the Hoe?
Good morning. I got a text from Fresh first thing this morning asking me if I wanted to jump on the whole “Is the hoe the new housewife?” movement from yesterday. I actually enjoyed Fresh’s article and was happy to see it included different views such as some men being hoes as well as if you want a woman/man with zero experience, marry a virgin. Personally, I do not know any virgins. Most adults I know have had a few relationships, and many have children. Realistically, if your definition of a hoe is anyone who has slept with more than a handful of people, then you need to include both sexes as well as yourself in that group. It’s easy to stand around and judge someone else and dismiss them as a hoe, but I encourage anyone who is quick to do that to look in the mirror and ask themselves this question: “Who in the Fuck Am I?”
My understanding of the word “ho” is that it comes from the word “whore” which is the derogatory word applied to a woman that exchanges sex for money. The UrbanDictionary.com (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ho) defines the word “ho” as follows:
1. Ho - Prostitute, Whore, Hooker, Tramp, Slut.
2. Ho - A whore. A woman who uses her body, or gives the impression that her mark can be intimate with her, for material gain or to boost her own ego. She says she will only have sex with short, fat or bald men if they compensate her with expensive gifts. She’s a just a typical, run of the mill ‘ho.
The same source defines a “Player” as follows:
1. Player - A male who is skilled at manipulating (”playing”) others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex. Possibly derived from the phrases “play him for a fool”, or “play him like a violin”. The term was popularized by hip-hop culture, but was commonly recognized among urban American blacks by the 1970s.
2. Player - A guy who is sustaining supposedly exclusive relationships with multiple girls simultaneously.
3. Player - A guy who:
(1) doesn’t understand the meaning of relationship
(2) is in full reproductive mode
(3) is very good at making girls think he is into them (also very proficient at breaking said girls hearts)
(4) often “dates” several girls at several schools (girls are often unaware of each other); and
(5) is an asshole!
Now then, if the person that you are trying to wife/husband fits any of the above descriptors, then you my friend have bagged yourself one of the unsavory individuals of that particular gender, and I really need to know what in the hell you were doing when you ran into this individual and thought this was a good idea. Seriously though, you must understand that this individual does not represent the whole any more than the unflattering urban news footage applies to all blacks. I would suggest more time be spent on really getting to know the person you are with, and making sure everything is healthy and responsible sexually, and enjoying that person. A lot of people may have had things going on like school, sports, career and what not that made it a bit tricky to manage a relationship at the same time. Hopefully that person didn’t take that opportunity to be a ho/player and hurt people, and they just casually dated so they had the freedom to travel and pursue their goals until they were more settled and could actually put in the work needed to have a relationship. In a nutshell, the difference is how you live your life.
Some might argue that sex is sex. Well, yes it is, but sex with someone who actually gives a damn about you is way better than sex with someone you don’t know in exchange for money or who you had to manipulate and lie to in order to hit. Example being are you the guy/girl with a few exes from legitimate relationships/dating situations over the years that is a good person or are you the guy/girl who gets your car keyed at the club and the windows busted out because you ran into someone you played/tricked. Just as there are colorful people in all races, there are also colorful people in both sexes too. As the saying goes, don’t * throw the baby out with the bath water.
* “To discard something valuable along with something not desired, usually unintentionally.” - http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Throwing
The Best Ever…
August 13, 2008
Good morning everybody. This morning we are going to tackle a subject that deals with that one person in your life that could probably be considered your weaknesses, the person that brings that certain something out of you, and the person that is so amazing in bed that you have awarded this Sexy MF with the title of The Best Ever. I’m not talking about that man/woman who talks about what he/she will do and is good but not all that. I’m talking about the person that doesn’t need to talk about what they will do to you because somehow, it is amazingly different each time. A person who you think about all the time and who gets you excited just being in the same room with them. The lucky recipient of this title is not just spectacular in one area or blessed in one area, this individual has the whole get down on lock.
Is such an experience possible one might ask? Hell yes. I sincerely hope that everyone (safely, respectfully and responsibly) experiences this eighth wonder of the world at some point in life before they die. Hopefully The Best Ever for you will be someone you will be involved with and are able to hit appreciate on a regular basis. I had a friend that had a random The Best Ever that she was telling me about and next thing I knew, she ended up dragging me to some military base while she drove around looking for him or something familiar that might lead to this impressive specimen. He must have been really something because it was a bright summer day, about 1:00 pm and she actually had her headlights on intentionally trying to find this man.
The key to managing a tricky situation like this is the keep your wits about you. If you are like me, you will put it right back on him and become The Best Ever for him too. Now, this morning’s blog is not a call for everyone to just go out there and go for broke. That’s not responsible or attractive. No, this blog is in appreciation for that person in your life who, in terms of overall performance, is The Best Ever. I need to hear from my ladies and my men out there. Have you experienced this and what is your story? Were you able to keep your wits about you or did you get caught up and act a fool? Did someone lose their damn mind behind some maneuver? Did you/they need to get a restraining order? Have you and The Best Ever moved on to other relationships, but the two of you still know where “home” is? Talk to me…..
Bernie Mac Gone but not forgotten… | Ms. Kris
August 9, 2008
On the morning of Saturday, August 09, 2008 we lost Bernie Mac at the age of 50. My first memory of Bernie Mac was on the Def Comedy Jam.
He had everyone in the audience going. With lines like “I love sex! I love it! Can’t do shit no mo…and I’m blessed. If I pull my shit out and this whole room will get dark….kick it….you don’t understand….I’m not scared of you motherfuckers.” He was serious about his on stage as we saw in the 2000 documentary The Real Kings of Comedy. Bernie had broadened his career to include both television, with The Bernie Mac Show from 2001 to 2006, and movies such as the Ocean’s series, Charlie’s Angels : Full Throttle, Guess Who, Transformers and Bad Santa.
The official statement from his publicist confirms this:
“Actor/ comedian Bernie Mac passed away this morning from complications due to pneumonia in a Chicago area hospital,” Smith said in a statement. “No other details are available at this time. We ask that his family’s privacy continues to be respected.”
We can all remember Bernie in his upcoming movies Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa and Soul Men.
Rest in peace…
Relationship VS The Single Life | Which one wins?
August 8, 2008
Fresh here, Sickamore helped me start this one on twitter and i had to run with it… he said “I got something in my eye and I cant get it out…Ima get a girlfriend just to prevent this from happening in the future” and my reply “@Sickamore you bring about a valid point… one point for relationships… hmmm [blog idea]… gotta go! lol” and here we are.
Relationships VS Being Single
Relationships:
1. Ima let Sickamore start this one off - You’ll always have someone to get stuff out of you eyes.
2. and Thanks to Marlo we have coined a new phrase - Lunchtime Loving - 30min lunches go a long way.
3. Butta said “When you’re single and u have ‘Bitches’ that shit be expensive, gas is too high”
Ok so at which point… im passing this discussion right on over to Ms, Kris…. cuz it seems like it was gonna get real ignorant lol.
Relationship vs. Single Life the Real Breakdown
Good morning readers. I got hit with a text last night from Fresh with a topic for today’s blog, Relationship vs. Single Life. That is a very interesting question. I read an article about a week ago on FlyGuyChronicles.com that could apply here. See, if you are “single”, chances are you have at least one FWB or Friend with Benefits that you frequent with no strings attached. So the real question should be Relationship vs. Friend with Benefits. With that said, I’m going to let this beautifully illustrated and hilarious Benefit Summary Prospectus speak for me courtesy of FGC. Check that article out. Here is the breakdown for those that want to make an educated decision:
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