Love | Late night thoughts | i shoulda been sleep hours ago pt. 6

As i was going through my archive of old away messages, i ran across a message i had written about my growth as an individual learning the issues of love. That very away message is what inspired this post. It never fails, late nights breed lovesick thoughts, i said that many many posts ago when i started this series titled “i shoulda been sleep hours ago.”

The away message read:

Something funny about love as I understand it. The definition of real love doesn’t include the word reciprocity. Love is given, totally and completely free, not based on whether or not the other individual returns the same love. Consider love less a loan (given with expectations) and more a gift (given WITHOUT expectation)…. I’m learning. Now if only I had someone to give to.

My heart is like a big head on a lil kid, the older I get the more I grow into it.

It was really like a light bulb came on, and not only did i say it, i meant it, i felt it. For once i was just happy to have been in love. Like the saying says, better to have loved and lost then to not have loved at all. Love is a blessing and to have engaged in it made me that much more happy. Love is the greatest experience in life if you ask me.

Life is so far unpredictable its entertaining just watching the events that transpire. Anyone who has known me for at very least 2 years, can attest to the very fact that i have grown A LOT in the past two years. Maybe it was the 2month stay in the hospital, in which i was basically isolated from the rest of the world while i spent day in and day out wondering if i’d ever by “normal” again. Maybe it was having lost friends, burried a close cousin, or having to visit another cousin in jail after having fallen out with him before he went in. Or Maybe it was all of it. But the most pivotal moment had to have been losing my then girlfriend.

At the time i had other issues to deal with so it didnt hit me all that hard right then and there, but months later things started to set in, and regret took its course. I realized ALL the things i could’ve done better, much better. And reading blogxilla’s blog NEVER helped, cuz i sat there with xilla on the screen wishing i had tried whatever it was he was blogging about. The petty fights, the complaining, the insecurity. Vocally i said i was willing to compromise, but underneath it all i was about as stubborn as a mule, hard as a rock, not willing to budge.

They say hind sight is 20/20, and they didn’t lie. I see clearly now, and thank God for second chances. :-) Realizing that love is something given, with no expectation of getting love back, love being free, i actually started to receive that love back. I had to front it though, which wasn’t the easiest thing to do. I cant lie, i was scared. Its almost like i was loving on consignment. But this time it has paid off. Although things are moving slow, slow motion is better than no motion. And matter of fact slow motion is better than moving too fast. All in all, in this process, im still learning, learning me, learning more and more about what love is. There are rules to loving, although love is a feeling with no reasoning, to love correctly you must know what love REALLY is…. we’ll continue this another night as, i shoulda been sleep hours ago.

nite yall

Technorati Tags: Fresh, i shoulda been sleep hours ago, love

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.