How to be a good, good woman in 2008: Lessons from Ashanti and Souljah Boy, with input from Destiny’s Child
August 8, 2008 · Print This Article
Hi my cutie pies. Still waiting on the response from the unemployment devils. Damn Terminator. Anyway, I was on youtube yesterday and watched Ashanti’s “Good, Good” video (Nelly’s cameo I had to peep again*smile* ).
So, I watched it, and was left with a few….thoughts. It’s a very provocative and aesthetically beautiful video. I can’t lie. Ashanti looks great and plays to the subservient wifey role very well. The song is catchy and will easily be in the running for the “keep your man”
anthem of 2008, much like “Cater to You” did for DC in 2005. Here’s a part of the hook:
“I got that good good, I got that good, good No matter how much he might try to act He know just where it’s at I got that good good, I got that good, good I put it on him right I do it every night I leave him sittin’
Mouth open
Like, “Whoa!”
So I don’t worry bout nobody takin mine
Cause I know just the right thang to do…”
Let me explain and hip you to something. If you don’t know, sex doesn’t keep a man nowadays. There are waaaay too many legs splayed open all willy-nilly, “hoes to supaman” (according to a TEENAGER), and heads ready to bob, that any man can pretty much have his pick of the skanky, sorry litter.
If sex is more available than ever, and your man can simply browse any social networking site or gathering place to get it, then your “good, good” isn’t going to be the only thing that you can offer to keep him. This is where Ashanti’s video and lyrics started to bug me.
“No matter how much he might try to act
He know just where it’s at”
For many, including myself, premarital sex is something that is indulged in. Although I haven’t yet jumped the broom, I hear from my married friends that sex in a marriage is very important- way more so than when you’re just dating. But sex is a highly spiritual and meaningful connection that couples share to express their love for one another. And sometimes it’s just f***ing. Either way, it’s you giving a part of you that you can never get back. There are times in one’s relationship where “every night” turns into “every other night”, then into “only on weekends”. Don’t worry, it happens to everyone.
The men (and women) I know love a healthy sex life- who doesn’t? But what makes them men is the fact that they also appreciate a woman with more to offer than just a warm place to put it. They realize that they can’t have sex 24/7, so men want their woman to be their friend, supportive, their life-line, the potential mother to their children, their better half. And many of them in long-term relationships take pride in the fact that even after they got the “good, good”, they stayed because they saw that woman as more than just someone to hit and quit.
When you’re married, there are certain expectations, and pleasing your sig other sexually becomes less about what you want and more about what they need to feel loved. But, when you’re not married, single, dating- sex often is the first thing that people present to a potential mate in order to lure them in and assert their perceived power. Songs like Ashanti’s and “Cater to You” only perpetuate the myth that a woman is little more than an un-paid hooker, willing and eager to please men in hopes that they will come back to her and only her, as she gives her body to him in hopes of securing his love.
Kids are watching and listening to this information. Your 15 year old cousin is now thinking that all she is merely a sexual toy for any man who shows her some attention. It even has adult, impressionable females to believe that no matter how that man might digress from your relationship, good sex will always bring him back. Hell, don’t even trip off of what HE has done, just give him some booty and it will magically erase it away! I hope that you can see beyond that foolish message.
So, I ask you lovely readers- what does sex mean to you?
Hugs and Kisses,
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Excellent post.. and to ask what sex means to me is like trying to understand chinese math… It can be just a physical thing or something that results from actual love. Some people try and utilize sex as a form of bait and indeed believe that “poppin off” is all that is required for a healthy relationship. I could go on and on about this all day
Mikey McFlys last blog post..Random – The 8th Day
Thank, Mike. I appreciate you taking the time out to read. It’s a topic that I feel the need to speak on because of how cavalierly ideas of female sexuality are represented in the media. Sex is so powerful, but today, fis being celebrated and encouraged for all the wrong reasons.
Take Care,
Tiff
Good article.
*edited w/corrections- I’m anal, I know. Shut up Fresh. :-)
Thanks, Mike. I appreciate you taking the time out to read. It’s a topic that I feel the need to speak on because of how cavalierly ideas of female sexuality are represented in the media. Sex is so powerful, but today, it’s being celebrated and encouraged for all the wrong reasons.
Take Care,
Tiff
Good article T-Hobbs…
Keep it coming.
-B
[...] When we bring “hoe” into the discussion it makes the topic more of sexual topic. Which leads me to make the point that sex, as important as it may be in a relationship should never be the foundation of such relationship, unless, the relationship is purely sexual, otherwise you are building a relationship on feelings of lust rather than love. T. Hobbs wrote a blog on this very subject, women who think their “Good Good” is gonna keep a man. It Wont! To understand the dynamics of why, check her blog out How to be a good, good woman in 2008: Lessons from Ashanti and Souljah Boy, with input from Destiny?…. [...]
Good article