The Sport of Being Single
May 17, 2009
Being single can often be viewed as a sport of strategy and schemes. As you go through the experiences different plays men and women run often can leave one confused. Recently a good friend of mine (R.Green) left a status update on TheFacebook that read: “Ladies if you say you don’t care about sumbody don’t try and act like you do when you see anutha female getting that attention”. This led me to respond along with another persons response giving the females perspective(J.Marie). Here is the dialogue in response to Ronnie.G’s statement:
C.Bell:
Man I feel you! For alot of women it takes seein you with anutha broad for them to all of a sudden start steppin they game up. Its just a classic case of liking you all of a sudden kus she see you got other options. Its childish games reallly!
J.Marie:
Just like it take yall dudes to realize u gave up a good thang when u see her wit tha next…so keep it real…we all the same…some times u gotta play the game to keep the flame..ya dig?
C.Bell:
Games are for kids and athletes. A real man knows a good thing and keeps a good thing. And vice versa.
J.Marie:
A good man is also a good sport…Some times people aren’t able to handle the fact that their mate looks good and is gonna turn heads…it goes both ways…and rite now we are too young to be tryna be super serious…if u got somebody u gone go thru it wit that somebody…so the off and on thing is predictable
C.Bell:
You gotta be in or out. If your in a commitment thats one thing but if your in the field then all is fair. Its just I have noticed women change their tune when they see you with another woman
After going through this back and forth exchange. It brought me to my feelings on the whole situation. Women and men alike enjoy having an amount of control over a person they are in courtship with. Often times in the dating playing field one might be more into a person than they are. As a result the person who is more liked finds comfort in that. They get used to having that person all in to them, they may even actually like the person as well but mask their feelings. But because these two people are single all is fair. So each person involved has the freedom to see other people. In most cases when the person who is more into the courtship than other decides to play the field harder, this is what gets them attention. When the person who has been sitting comfortable with the other always in their arms reach sees the other out and about with another option that is when they react. They usually all of a sudden do something to get the attention back on them. All of a sudden they move from being relaxed and comfortable to showing the person who was more into them the affection and feelings they have been wanting to receive back in the first place. But this usually is just only to put the attention back on them, once its back then they go back to their comfort state. Sounds silly doesn’t it? Its an reality though. This is why it is important to keep your options open when your single. Do not put your eggs in one basket especially if the person your courting isn’t. This will keep all things level. As time passes and you grow closer then you will decide how serious the relationship you have will be which turns into just that a relationship.
CB’s Quick Tip On Getting A Woman’s Number
December 17, 2008
Just watched this clip from the tv show Mad TV titled “Can I have Your Number?” Its pretty funny. But it made me think, cats do approach women too aggressively sometimes. You can’t try to seal the deal too early. For instance when you approach a woman and immediately after you have introduced yourself its not a good idea to ask for the number. Your safe bet is to engage in good conversation first.
You might want to introduce yourself and find out her name, this is great for breaking the ice. Then you might want to try to make a connection, maybe you find out her interest and you just might have something in common with her. Doing this can open up conversation and at this point she feels more comfortable with you. Then your attempt to seal the deal is safe, now go ahead and try an exchange of information. You might not be successful every time but it will get you better results then just coming out asking for the chicks number right off the bat. Check out this clip..
How to Talk to Girls | Love advice from a 9-year old
December 2, 2008
Maybe i should take my advice from young Alec Greven. It seems like he has it all together with advice like:
be wary of “pretty girls.”
“It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry,” he writes in Chapter Three.
“Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil.”
He advises, “The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are coldhearted when it comes to boys. Don’t let them get to you.” - according to the NY Post
But the line in his book that most stood out to me was: “Sometimes you get a girl to like you. Then she ditches you. Tip: about 73% of regular girls ditch boys. 98% of pretty girls ditch boys. Life is hard, move on,” Boy that hit home.
What DO women really want?
October 20, 2008
I was talking to one of my boys yesterday, a conversation men frequently have, about what women really want when it comes to men. Ironically i was blog surfing today and ran across What Do You Really Want In A Man? over at The World As I See It. The author, Terry Marsh said this in the second paragraph (go here and scroll down to “What do women really want in a man,” sept 16th posting date):
But my feeling is, don’t complain about the lack of “good” men, when you’ve only been looking for “bad boys”. There are plenty of “good” men out here who don’t have a clue what women are looking for. So, I ask…
And my thoughts are generally the same, dont ask for a good man when all you really want is the bad boy. But, i also recognize another problem. When the women i have dealt with have realize they are dealing with one of the “good” men, they have problematically mistaken “good” for “perfect” having called me the perfect guy. But, when i have fallen short of that, as any human would, i turned into the “one that wasnt supposed to hurt me.”
Having been mistaken for perfect is defeat before failure. I, as a human, being am entitled to make mistakes, solely because i am human, and we are NOT perfect. But what i feel is my strongest quality, which makes me closer to perfect is the fact that i actually TRY to be perfect, even knowing i wont attain such a goal, and am more than willing to accept responsibility for my mistakes and change them.
And as for the women, who constantly complain that their are no good men, or to the ones who turn good men into perfect failures, figure out exactly what you want, before there really are NO good men left. The disappointment only turns good men bad.
The Other Woman
August 28, 2008
*This is Part 2 to “All Men Cheat, Or At Least That’s What We’re
Told…”*
“Tiffany, you just hate women”, he said to me after I’d accused the chick of flirting with him. Well, damn. I wouldn’t say I “hate” all women. That’s a bit harsh. I just don’t like the majority of the women I come into contact with. Furthermore, I have a problem with a CERTAIN type of woman and I don’t know if that woman over there is going to fall into that category.
It hasn’t always been this way. I used to have no problems with women.
But experiences change things, and now, I don’t trust women for what many have become, which is a threat to my relationship.There are increased numbers of women who have anxiously settled into the position of being the “other woman”, and it makes it difficult for us self-respecting ladies to co-exist with them on a daily basis. When did the prospect of being the “other woman” become more important than striving to have healthy relationships of their own? How can women be so destructive but unapolegetic about the damage they are causing to the sanctity of relationships?
Before you may label me, I’m not a “hater”. I despise the word as I feel that it’s used in a very immature and juvenile context, which is not how I want you, my readers, to consider me. Instead, I have come to the realization that the “other woman” has become a glamorized depiction of betrayal and conquest (Angelina ring a bell?). Yes, it has a lot to do with the movies, magazines, videos, blah blah blah. We know that already. We all see mistresses becoming famous, writing tell-all books, and being given air-time to seemingly brag about what they’ve done to another person’s life. It’s not a secret. My issue is with those women who don’t have the wherewithall to differentiate between fantasy and the cold, hard truth. The women other women are around at work and in their daily activities. The women who want YOUR man.
Through wanting to please men and beat the competition, women have become each other’s own worst enemy as they strive to get a man, even YOUR man, by any means possible.
I see young women, older women, walking down streets, shopping in grocery stores, hanging out in groups, at my bowling night, after school picking up their children- all semi-clothed in outfits that barely cover their butts, boobs, and booming desperation. They’re covered by a fabric of self-pity that does nothing to mask their desire for attention and validation. And they’d just as soon smile in your face yet flirt with your man as soon as you turn your back. And the girlfriends and wives never know, which only adds fuel to that fire.
I see women who have male friends or co-workers and unabashedly put down the mens’ girlfriends or wives to make themselves look like the better
woman- “your girl doesn’t like to (feel in the blank)? What is she thinking? She must not know what she’s got….”. If you haven’t been the perpetrator, you’ve definitely been the victim.
I see women, so starved for male admiration, that they’ll do just about anything to get it. They’ll come around men who are “taken” and act inappropriately in hopes that maybe, just maybe, one of those men will turn their glance her way and she will have taken someone’s man and increased her struggling self-confidence. Trust me, it happens often.
Again, if you haven’t been the perpetrator, please believe you’ve been the victim.
And I see women who are very comfortable being the “h_e”, and will do anything and everything to let it be known to the men nearby, regardless of those mens’ relationship status. Groupies, anyone?
Many women are so focused on getting a man or his attention that they’ll backstab other women just to meet their goals, affecting relationships in the process. Due to this desperation, women don’t want to, and can not, comfortably relax with their men when they’re around other women.
Still, because we’re not psychic, women can’t often accurately differentiate between a woman with ill-intentions and a woman who respects herself enough not to compromise her integrity. So, to prevent any accidents from happening, we guard ourselves and closely monitor women to make sure they don’t prove our suspicions right. That paranoia is causing many women, including myself, to feel uncomfortable in the presence of women when I’m with my man. Maybe he’s too handsome. Or maybe he’s just a man with a pulse and that makes him fair game. I don’t know. But I do know that women never know when a woman who would be happy to be the “other woman” is lurking in the shadows. The allure of being the ”other woman” has the power to blind those women to how pathetic they are, and we realize that and often point it out to our men, who become annoyed, and with reason. What our men don’t understand is how hard we hope, wish and pray that they are strong enough to combat such a frivolous proposition if offered.
It’s not always due to a woman’s insecurity. No matter how secure a woman may be in herself or her relationship, she never fully knows if her man will be able to withstand the power of a woman who wants to be the chick-on-the-side. And with these types of women increasing in quantity everyday, respectable women are being outnumbered, and some men fall victim to their no-strings-attached idealogies. As a result, once normal, trusting women have become distrustful and cautious, which often comes off as bitchy and insecure. Thus, a cycle is created.
It shouldn’t be like this.
A woman should not be concerned with questioning if another woman is attempting to steal her man. We should be able to go out with our dates, boyfriends or husbands without feeling like we’ve entered a competiton to secure an endangered species. Until women stop lusting after taken men and subjecting themselves to the demeaning “other woman” status, relationships will continue to be threatened, and women will be pitted against each other. And I will always give a mean side-eye to the chick across the way who’s staring a bit too hard in my man’s
direction. She better recognize.
Hugs and Kisses,
T. Hobbs
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