Standing Strong
June 29, 2009
You ever been in love?You ever had a falling out with your
family.Ever met that”special” someone that you thought was
going to be that person to help you reach the stars and give you
everything life has to offer? The answer to all those
questions is probably yes.
For Trina Stewart, these things were all components of her
young life post high school graduation
from Leuzinger High School in Lawndale,California.She thought she had found
love.She thought she had found that man.Cinderella had found her Prince
Charming.He was it..or so she thought.Then , in the blink of an eye,things took
a turn that almost turned fatal.
As I spoke to Miss Stewart, I remember quite vividly seeing
missing persons postings affixed with her image on supermarkets and phone booths.Almost
in disbelief,I remember telephoning many friends that knew her, telling them of
my discovery.Most ,like I, couldn’t fathom what happen.Recently, after nearly
18 years,( and thanks to Facebook)I reconnected with Trina .As we reminisced, I
breached the subject of how I had seen the postings in and around my
neighborhood.To my surprise, not only did she confirm what I had seen,she
expressed a desire to recount the story behind them.
Love,as it turned out, took Trina to Nevada.Love , however,
soon revealed to be short lived as the man of her dreams became an inhuman
monster , becoming both verbally and physically abusive.With this in mind,
Trina decided the best way to try and get out of the situation would be to try
and reopen the lines of communication with her family ,lines which had been
through the wringer.These attempts proved to be futile as
every time she gave family members a phone number to contact her and
establish her whereabouts, her “controller” would change the number and she
would be back to square one.One fateful night , however, that all changed.
See, one night, Trina Stewart, decided , she was going to
cease to be a victim.She was going to fight backThat what was different about
this night.What was also different was the gun that would come into play.Her
“assailant”retrieved a gun from an upstairs bedroom and vowed to kill her,
backing her into the kitchen, and in his deranged state,expelling a bullet from
the gun. The bulletstruck her on the left thigh, leaving a tennis ball size
hole in her leg, which immediately began gushing plasma.The fact she didn’t get
fatally wounded was due to her inadvertenly turning her hips as she tried to
avoid her attacker.
As she laid there, drifting in and out of consciousness, she
kept telling herself she recalls” I’m not going to die”As most abusers do, he
blamed her for forcing him now to finish the job and kill her and whistled a
second shot past her head that she recounts she “only heard but never saw” due
to her enormous bloodloss.
Then ,in either a moment of clarity, or a stroke of genius, she turned the
tables.She began to use her words to soothe his troubled lament..She exclaimed to him
repeatedly”Baby, we can work things out.We’ll be alright”.All the while, she’s
nearing a critical state of unconsciousness.But not her will to live.Her words
proved to be soothing enough for her then boyfriend to phone 911 and report that
his girlfriend had been”accidentally shot”and that an ambulance was necessary.At
this point, things become cloudy .The next vision she sees is in a hospital room, surrounded by
her mother, brother and cousin, who she had lost contact with, previously
sabotaged in attempts to repair and heal the wounds that had been opened up previously.
The road to recovery was not an easy one.Doctors told her
that the damage she sustained to her leg would not allow her to walk again.But
she was not to be denied .With help from her brother, helping her with physical
rehab,she was able to overcome this obstacle and move forward, earning a degree,
speaking to young women about the perils of domestic abuse, and how to see the
signs.She also put her story in musical form , recording two albums , including
one that was almost autobiographical in recounting the incident, at the studio that
her brother and cousin built from the ground up.
What’s next for Trina? Marriage,children?If the right one
comes along.For now though, she ‘s just content to tell you her story…of
tragedy,triumph…and rebirth.
Food For Thought
May 21, 2009
So I’ve been thinking, watching, and questioning. I began wondering what happened to love. The love my grandparents swear by and tell me to wait patiently for. Well I’m becoming a little perturbed so I’ve come up with some questions.
What ever happened…?
To a man looking in a woman’s eye and seeing her heart
Friday night dates
To conversing
Butterflies in your chest when you see the one you love
Being on cloud nine every time you think of him/her
Love songs by Frank Sinatra and Billie Holiday
Poems by Langston Hughes and Zora Neale Hurston
Waiting for love till sex
Saving yourself for your husband/wife
Walks in the parks and on beaches
Spending time not money
Men being men and women being women
Women building men up and encouraging them to be men
Praying together
Wanting a family
Raising a family
Man and wife
Honoring your commitment
Covenants
Anniversaries
Valentine’s Day everyday
So what happened? Nothing we’ve stopped expecting these things and believing in them. Chivalry isn’t dead. This generation has become jaded and obsessed with the superficial glitz and glamour of what they see on the TUBE and hear in songs, we’ve forgotten what it’s like to LOVE and be LOVED.
The Sport of Being Single
May 17, 2009
Being single can often be viewed as a sport of strategy and schemes. As you go through the experiences different plays men and women run often can leave one confused. Recently a good friend of mine (R.Green) left a status update on TheFacebook that read: “Ladies if you say you don’t care about sumbody don’t try and act like you do when you see anutha female getting that attention”. This led me to respond along with another persons response giving the females perspective(J.Marie). Here is the dialogue in response to Ronnie.G’s statement:
C.Bell:
Man I feel you! For alot of women it takes seein you with anutha broad for them to all of a sudden start steppin they game up. Its just a classic case of liking you all of a sudden kus she see you got other options. Its childish games reallly!
J.Marie:
Just like it take yall dudes to realize u gave up a good thang when u see her wit tha next…so keep it real…we all the same…some times u gotta play the game to keep the flame..ya dig?
C.Bell:
Games are for kids and athletes. A real man knows a good thing and keeps a good thing. And vice versa.
J.Marie:
A good man is also a good sport…Some times people aren’t able to handle the fact that their mate looks good and is gonna turn heads…it goes both ways…and rite now we are too young to be tryna be super serious…if u got somebody u gone go thru it wit that somebody…so the off and on thing is predictable
C.Bell:
You gotta be in or out. If your in a commitment thats one thing but if your in the field then all is fair. Its just I have noticed women change their tune when they see you with another woman
After going through this back and forth exchange. It brought me to my feelings on the whole situation. Women and men alike enjoy having an amount of control over a person they are in courtship with. Often times in the dating playing field one might be more into a person than they are. As a result the person who is more liked finds comfort in that. They get used to having that person all in to them, they may even actually like the person as well but mask their feelings. But because these two people are single all is fair. So each person involved has the freedom to see other people. In most cases when the person who is more into the courtship than other decides to play the field harder, this is what gets them attention. When the person who has been sitting comfortable with the other always in their arms reach sees the other out and about with another option that is when they react. They usually all of a sudden do something to get the attention back on them. All of a sudden they move from being relaxed and comfortable to showing the person who was more into them the affection and feelings they have been wanting to receive back in the first place. But this usually is just only to put the attention back on them, once its back then they go back to their comfort state. Sounds silly doesn’t it? Its an reality though. This is why it is important to keep your options open when your single. Do not put your eggs in one basket especially if the person your courting isn’t. This will keep all things level. As time passes and you grow closer then you will decide how serious the relationship you have will be which turns into just that a relationship.
Winter Love: Having That Special Someone For These Cold Winter Months
December 3, 2008
Its that time of the year. Winter will officially begin on December 21st and with these cold winter months approaching I am sure you need that special someone to snuggle up with to keep warm until spring creeps around. Its kind of funny to see how things are during this time of year.
The clubs, bars, ect are empty. You may be asking yourself when you hit some of the hot spots that are usually crackin, Where is everyone? Well I can answer that and I am sure you can too. See during the cold months its natural for people to want somebody they can spend sometime and chill with. This person can be your boyfriend or girlfriend, boo, ex , ect. Its someone to cuddle up with and spend time with when its cold outside and raining or snowing or whatever weather your facing. Its always better to have someone by your side during this time than being alone. The more I think about it the more I realize how convenient it is to have that special someone during this time. Think about it you have someone for Christmas, New Years, and Valentines. It works out, that way you get presents and you have someone to spend all these wonderful holidays with.
Now all this “boo talk” has me thinking who shall be my boo for the winter. lol. I am accepting applications at chadbell@theconcretejournal.com. The following are some quotes from some of my good friends at twitter on why people find a significant other during the cold months. Thanks to all those who responded.
THEflyGIRL-It’s cupcake season. It’s cold & dark. Less distractions so u forced to look inward which makes folks lonely & wanna hookup.
ODARA112-cause they don’t have heat & it’s cheaper to cuddle…lol TheJadedNYer-Because in the summer it’s 
TOO HOT to be all hugged up… you only need someone in the winter in order to get stay warm…
AgentDJeff- It’s a primitive thing…more skin in the summer, more animalistic attraction hence the pull to play! As simple as such lol
How to Talk to Girls | Love advice from a 9-year old
December 2, 2008
Maybe i should take my advice from young Alec Greven. It seems like he has it all together with advice like:
be wary of “pretty girls.”
“It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry,” he writes in Chapter Three.
“Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil.”
He advises, “The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are coldhearted when it comes to boys. Don’t let them get to you.” - according to the NY Post
But the line in his book that most stood out to me was: “Sometimes you get a girl to like you. Then she ditches you. Tip: about 73% of regular girls ditch boys. 98% of pretty girls ditch boys. Life is hard, move on,” Boy that hit home.
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